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10 PHRASES OF ENCOURAGEMENT (AND THE IDEAS BEHIND THEM)

by Michael Grose

I struggled for ideas about how to begin Happy Kids for 2006. How do I set the scene for the year? I glanced at to the tagline on my website, Raising confident kids and resilient teenagers, so I thought that would be a good subject matter. With that in mind I have written a template of my 10 favourite encouraging phrases that you can use with your kids, partner, workmates, friends or even on yourself.

A note of caution: Whether the suggested remarks are encouraging depends on the attitudes of the adults who use them. Do you show confidence, belief, acceptance and trust in a child (mixed with humour) or do you moralise, preach or show impatience?

1. You do a good job of…

Encourage children when they least expect it. Even a comment about something seemingly small and insignificant can make a child feel good about himself. I swear I see my own kids grow a few centimetres when they get some unsolicited encouragement.

2. You have improved in….

Children will generally continue to try if they can see improvement in any activity they put their minds to. Sometimes they just don't know they are getting better so they need someone to tell them.

3. I like you, but I don't like your behaviour.

Love the sinner, hate the sin is the principle here. When dealing with children whose behaviour can test you it is best to separate the deed from the dude, the act and the actor.

4. You can help me by…..

To feel useful and helpful is important to everyone. Kids want to be helpful – they really do – we just need to give them the chance.

5. How will you know you can't unless you try.

Perfectionists and low risk-takers often put up all sorts of barriers to trying something new. They often fear failure or worry that mistakes reflect on them.

6. So you did a make a mistake, what can you learn from it?

Mistakes are part of learning, ask any golfer!

7. You would like me to think you can't do it, but I think you can.

Sometimes its hard to know whether to push a child or let them avoid a situation or activity. But I prefer to err on the side of challenging kids rather than letting them avoid an activity. They usually surprise themselves and exceed their own expectations.

8. I'm sure you can do it. Don't give up.

Lack of success in any activity is frustrating so an adult who shows faith in them can be just the tonic they need to keep persevering. This is important as resilient learners know that they may not achieve something straight away – many kids today give up in they can't succeed immediately.

9. I'm sure you can straighten this problem out, but if you need me you know where to find me.

It is amazing when you show faith in a child's ability to resolve a social, physical or academic problem that they often meet your expectations. Sometimes they need to be given the emotional space to find solutions to their own problems.

10. You should be pleased/proud of yourself.

Self-praise is about the best praise a child can get. Sometimes kids need some prompting that they should be pleased/proud/happy or whatever about themselves and their activities.

Most people when they read lists such as the one above do a mental self-check to see how they measure up, or even to check if they agree. If you read a phrase that you liked, think is useful or maybe that you should do more of, then focus on using that phrase or a variation of it over the next few days. You will be amazed how soon it will become part of your normal vocabulary. Becoming a better parents happens with small improvements not huge changes.

 For more information and to subscribe to Michael's newsletters visit his website at www.parentingideas.com.au

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